SLOW LEARNER vs NOT THAT CLEVER

Regarding to my previous entry a colleague of mine (K.Rusnah) asked me a question what did I do if I didn’t get what I read. So I answered, I read it again and again (it is simple to say/ advice rather than to be done). The truth is for the last few weeks to get the idea of what I read, I don’t know how many times I read the books or how many times I felt dizzy and how many times I fall asleep while reading my books. The things I read didn’t go smoothly to my head. However, I believe sooner or later I will comprehend the ideas or the theories in the books. It will take times but I will be in tense because I’m racing against time. If I plot the graph time against achievement I don’t think I dare to analyze the graph. After 9 months of studying I started to doubt whether I am slow leaner?

Sometimes when I didn’t get what I read I started to think I’m being punished for what I said to my ex students. “How come you cannot get the simple theory like this?’ There was few times this sentence slipped out from my mouth. I couldn’t put myself in their shoes. I thought the theories I taught was really a cinch. Now I know the feeling when you cannot get something easily. I always I think I’m good in academic and I didn’t have many problems in my previous degrees. Thus, sometimes I forgot all the knowledge and the ability I have was bestowed by God Al-Mighty. It all belongs to Al Mighty and I shouldn’t be proud of myself. Insaf.!

In the barakah of Ramadhan I also want to make this public apology to all of you;

Saya memohon kemaafan jika ada kesalahan dan kesilapan kerana dibimbangi mungkin telah menghijabkan ilmu daripada difahami selama ini.

Momentum & Motivation

For the last couple of weeks I'm not a productive student. I'm not doing anything worthwhile and I'm indulging myself (procrastinating a lot, day dreaming a lot, sleeping a lot, eating a lot (kononnya stress). I know my academic obligation doesn't allow to indulge myself too much but the momentum to study is not there for me.

Everytime I open the book I just give an empty look without passion to read. There are many times I try to read but it doesn't go straight to my heart or my head. Sigh! I couldn't muster all the strength to read even a page of a book. All the sentences seem to make me puke and I need extra extra extra strong momentum & motivation to make me going on reading. I can't even force my brain to accept or swallow what I read. Again SIGH!

Am I up to my maximum utility in reading or am I getting old where I am not energetic or my brain is not so sharp anymore to absorb what I read? Done with excuses but where is my momentum and motivation? I badly need it now. Again & again sigh.

Time flies....

To realize the value of ONE YEAR
Ask the student who has failed a class
To realize the value of ONE MONTH
Ask a mother who gave birth to a premature baby
To realize the value of ONE WEEK
Ask the editor of a weekly newspaper
To realize the value of ONE HOUR
Ask the lovers who are waiting to meet
To realize the value of ONE MINUTE
Ask a person who missed the train
To realize the value of ONE SECOND
Ask a person who just avoided an accident
To realize the value of ONE MILISECOND
Ask the person who won a silver medal in the Olympics

Time flies… If time flies where does it go? Tup tap tup tap I can’t believe how fast time has gone and it’s August already. It means that I already started my study for 8 months. As the clock ticks off minutes, hours and days, there are many things that have not finished but the clock keeps ticking leaving me with less time. In a few short days it will be September. That puts me only two + one years from the duration of my scholarship will be lasted. To be frank, there is not much progress in my study. I still have to attend few classes to accomplish my course work and next semester is scheduled that I have to sit for my comprehensive exam and if only I pass the papers I can proceed to the thesis writing. There are still few hurdles to go through.

Time goes by so fast and the older I get the faster time goes. I always feel I am getting older and older (of course lah because I just add another year on my age).

I remembered vividly last year at this exact time I was so busy handling the problem of my scholarship and I wrote an entry of Nisfu Syaaban (August 28, 2007). Last night, it was Nisfu syabaan night again. Can’t believe it, it has been a year since I posted that entry. Time has flown so fast until but I wonder whether I have used the time wisely or did I accomplish everything that was meant for me to do? I can't go back and get back the time that passed me by but one thing I know life has to go on.

Chess and Life

The below story was not written by me. I plagiarized it from my lost friend's blog. Sorry N, it was written beautifully and I couldn't resist to put in my blog. I found my friend again in the internet and she is in UK. Actually I met her only twice. The first time when I played against her in Kelantan and after two years I met her again in Perlis for the second time but this time we played together in a team.

However, even we met only twice I learnt a lot of things from her. She was a good player that taught me how to be cool while playing, how to control the emotions, how to enjoy ourself in the tournament and sometimes be childish and have fun. Yes, we did a lot of childish things together but that was how we released our stress.

I must agree with her, chess imitates real life. How you want to play your game is really depending on you. Robust? Defensive? Different players will play differently but the objective is to win no matter which moves or tactics they used. There are values in life that can be learnt from chess for example the need of determination, passion, hardwork and perseverance. The need to prepare and face the pressure, the challenges, the changes in the direction of the game, the struggle that has its joy and failure that is not without its uses.

Sometimes the pressure will lead us to a wise decisions and moves but sometimes it ruins our game. However, the fear really kills us and hinder us to think wisely. We will be afraid of the consequences of our move and take along time to move our pieces. Then, suddenly the clock stops and we realize it was too late to make any moves. We regret it and constantly get caught replaying the same message in our head — “What if I move. . .?” — and wonder what could have happened if we had done something differently. Would it have changed the game, or would it have not affected the game at all? However at the end of the day we have to accept and learn any mistakes in our games and accept it as good lesson to improve ourself and be a better player.

So, this is what had been written by N in her blog

Saya rindukan chess. Abah selalu sahaja bermain chess dengan kami semasa kecil. Antara adik beradik saya, cuma Cod sahaja yang tidak pandai bermain chess. Dan tentunya pabila kami bermain chess, kami bermain mati-matian. Walaupun pisang goreng sepinggan disebelah, bercicahkan susu, akan dilupakan sejenak. Dan selalunya, Abah is unbeatable. Walaupun kami adik-beradik bersatu tenaga mahu mengalahkah Abah, even victory is nearly in our hands, he will suddenly makes a move that will totally change the rhythm of our game, and BOOM, he wins. We will stare at him, speechless, how could he change the direction of the game?

We are so sure of our winning, even smiling and laughing smugly. And when we lose, he will merely smile and make a move to surau. And leave us wonder, and ponder, how could he possibly overcomes the difficult, if not impossible, situations? Clearly, we are the novices compare to him.

I have a love-hate relationship with the chess tournaments. The tensions are never greater than being in the best team, and sitting and playing with enormous pressure to win. If I am to have a blood pressure test, I have no doubt that I am the worst patient.

Scary. Because I’m not a gifted players like the others. Who have thousands tactical moves. Who can beat me within 5 minutes, or even within 10 moves.

But I do know, when I play for fun, I could win.

Pressure ruins everything. Including your life.

Chess imitates real life. Play safely, play dangerously. Play nicely, play terribly. Play kindly, play mischievously. Play for fun, play seriously. Play lightheartedly, play treacherously. Play humbly, play deceitfully. Play sincerely, play wickedly. Play honestly, play awfully. Play genuinely, play riskily. Play respectably, play cruelly. Play maliciously, play fairly. Play nastily, play elegantly. Play classily.

But unlike chess, when you are stumbling, it doesn’t mean you are falling. Play it beautifully then.

A "Break" in Hong Kong

I was just arrived from Hong Kong last night. Not a planned journey but rather a journey of “doing without thinking”. My sister asked whether I want to accompany her to Hong Kong two days before the departure. So, I said OK and took my return flight ticket at KL Sentral. To be frank I was a bit afraid to tell my father about the trip because I promised him to go back home and I will miss few classes ( I never ponteng classlah). A day before I went to Hong Kong I called my father but surprisingly he said “enjoy your journey and don’t forget to buy me a t shirt”. Ha3X. It is a break for me since I will only have my term break during this coming Hari Raya.

When I arrived in Hong Kong my first expression was the city is just like a “big brother” to Singapore but Hong Kong is more densely populated city. The tall gigantic buildings, people walking and rushing everywhere are the normal scene in Hong Kong. Sometimes I think the people here live in tense and their objective of life is only to get money, money and money. However, it is not so surprising since the price of the real assets here are very high and that is one of the reason why the Honkers are working hard to earn money. I met with a couple of Malaysian student who rent two bedrooms apartment that cost them RM3000. They told me that only rich people will drive a car in Hong Kong because the price of petrol is RM20 per liter. (I felt like org kaya in Hong Kong because I drive and own a car).

I stayed in the Intercontinental Grand Stanford Hotel in front of Victoria Harbour located in the shopping, business and entertainment districts of Tsim Sha Tsui East, in Kowloon. A really nice hotel and a walking distance from Nathan Road which is famous for gaudy stores and the biggest mosque in Hong Kong, Kowloon Mosque. When I went out from my hotel, and walked in the street I saw endless hi-rise office and apartment buildings. The interesting thing here is that most places we could get from building to building using the pedestrian bridges. So much of the time, the view of traffic can been seen from overhead and the traffic are always busy and noisy.

The best part of visiting Hong Kong was observing the survival of the Muslim community here. Alhamdulillah, I found two out five mosques in Hong Kong. Four mosques are in Hong Kong Island and another one in Kowloon. The first mosque I found was the Masjid and Islamic Centre at Oi Kwan Road in Wan Chai in Hong Kong island on the second day of my arrival. It was opened in September 1981. The majority in Wan Chai are Hui people (Chinese Muslim) and Indonesian. The Hui people cook very delicious and variety with big portion of fried rice (penat nak habiskan 1 pinggan). On that night, we took MTR back to Kowloon and we were lost but it was a bless in disguise since I found the second mosque. It was the Kowloon Mosque that beautifully located in the middle of shopping lots and the hustle and bustle of Nathan Road. I was surprised and impressed with the mosque and location. The Kowloon Masjid and Islamic Centre opened in 1984. The Muslims here are mainly from Pakistan, India, Indonesia, the middle eastern and African countries. The Pakistanian halal food can be found easily here. So, the halal food was not a problem for us when we were in Hong Kong.

It was an enjoyable trip with a few lessons I learnt. One of the lessons is that I should be grateful with what I have now and what I have gone through in my life. I was brought up with seven siblings in a house with five bedrooms, we have a big compound that enough for us to play rounder, badminton or riding bicycles. Contrarily, since only the millionares own a house and from the economic wise most of the Honkers only have a small unit of family living in small highly rented apartments. They don’t have the big family, big compound or car garage like me. Shouldn’t I be grateful for that?