Hajj: The journey of a lifetime

Hajj season will come again! A few of my colleagues will go for Hajj this. One of my friends mom will go there too this year. She asked me about my experience about going for hajj last year. It reminded me to my memorable and soul journey and inspired me to write it down.

It happened so fast. 10 years ago my father brought me for Umrah. At that time, I was a student and really busy with my examination but I was determine to go. I went for umrah and a day after I came back I had to sit for the exam. Alhamdullilah, I passed my exam. During my last day in Makkah, I prayed to Allah that I wanted to come again with a good preparation and without worrying about other things such an exam. After 10 years, my prayer was finally answered but the only similar thing happened was about the exam. This time I was not the who sat for the exam but my students and I had to mark the paper.

I was not like other Malaysian pilgrims who have gone through many hajj courses. It was all sudden. Three weeks before I left for my hajj, I got a call from Tabung Haji (TH) asking me for medical check up. I was speechless when the TH officer told me that I got a place for Hajj. My youngest brother was spontaneously shouted “ Laa…. tak jadi le kita pergi Langkawi” as I promised him to have holidays in Langkawi.

For a few days, I couldn’t believe that I was going for hajj and I had sleepless night, thinking whether I was ready for this journey. Then I looked it positively, I was the chosen one, why should I rejected the invitation from Allah? Hajj is once in a lifetime. It is an opportunity, who knows if I would not get a second chance? I might never be blessed with another opportunity to be the guest of Allah again so I had to take this unexpected invitation.

Then I felt incredibly fortunate. Words could not even describe the immense amount of gratitude I felt in my heart for Allah. There was still emotional challenge of being overjoyed at one moment and sometimes fearful the next. One of my friends cried when she heard I was leaving for hajj. She was happy that I was blessed to go at the young age but at the same time feeling sad because she didn’t know when will be her time (InsyaAllah you will be there too!)

Within three weeks, I made all the preparation for my hajj. I rushed around and got everything in order, marking for the examination papers, sorted my teaching plan for the next semester, applying for my leave, went for hajj courses, read hajj books and all other affairs including paying loans and debts. I wanted everything clear before I went for Hajj. To be frank, I was quite stress but I reminded myself this was my first hurdle. Eventhough, I was in the chaos to get everything settled there was always somebody who offered their help to me. For example, one my friends offered help to replace my exam invigilation since I had hajj course in Shah Alam and another example while I was busy marking the examination paper, my colleague knocking my door and asking whether I wanted her to be my second examiner. They offered help without knowing that that I was going for hajj ( I didn't tell my friends until the last few days). I always think these were the help from Allah.

My journey started from Kompleks Tabung Haji Kelana Jaya where all the pilgrims from Malaysia assembled before boarding the flight. In the Kelana Jaya Hall the excitement of completing one of the pillars of Islam surrounding me. When I heard the melodious chants of the Talbiyah rang out

“Here I am - O Allah here I am. Here I am - There is no partner unto you - Here I am. Verily all the praise and all the bounty are for you and the dominion. There is no partner unto you".

The emotions began. The feeling of wanted to cry without knowing why (the fearful, happiness, grateful a truly mixed feeling that cannot be described by words). For a moment things were a bit of a blur as I moved from one emotion to another on this emotional rollercoaster. The fulfilling a commandment of Allah would be of more satisfaction than all the materials that I’ve got in life- nothing could compare. At the same time, I had a deep fear that I might make some mistakes or might do something wrong on the Hajj. For the last three weeks I prayed to Allah that I could complete this Hajj without any mistakes and that Allah would accept my Hajj.

All the procedures before boarding was settled quickly and efficiently. I should praised all the TH workers who were extremely competent. It took 9 hours in the flight to arrive Madinah. Everything went smoothly but I got flu a day after. It was not a big deal since I managed to go to the mosque. The scene of Masjidul Nabawi was mesmerized. The structure of the mosque was inexplicable beauty. Even the social scene of Madinah was so simple, relaxed, peaceful and uncomplicated. Listening to the melodious azan and beautiful voice of Imam leading the prayers was unforgetable. This was the home of prophet Muhamad and I realized why prophet Muhamad loved to be here.

There was once, I was late for Maghrib/dusk prayer in Masjidul Nabawi, so I had to pray outside the mosque. It was really cold as I was not feeling well and had flu. While waiting for Isya’ prayer, I was shivering but patiently sitting there reciting Quran and once a while looking at the jet black sky with sparkling stars hanging above the minarates of prophet mosque. Then, I looked at the beautiful piece decorated door (gate) of the mosque and in my heart ..I wish if …. I could pray in front of the door it was enough for me as it could saved me from the coldness. The next morning, for the dawn prayer, my wish came true. I exactly got the place in front of the door. Allah listened to my wish but I laughed to myself as my sister said if you made a wish, wish for the best. I should wish to pray inside the mosque not just infront of the door. The first lesson I learnt, Allah listen to your/prayer/doa if you do it sincerely. Lesson no.2, If you made a doa, doa for the best.

During my first visit for Umrah 10 years, I didn’t really appreciate lot of things for example I went to Raudhah (Garden of Paradise) in Masjidul Nabawi but I didn’t know what to do. But this time, I really determine to go. I read about the history of Masjidil Nabawi and all the Barakah. In fact, I studied the plan of Masjidil Nabawi; the location of Raudah, Prophets grave as well as Hadrat Abu Bakar and Hadrat Umar (r.a) who was buried next to the Prophet (saws). There is a Hadith (narration) that states that the area between the pulpit of Masjidul nabawi and the living quarters of the Prophet (saws) is a garden of paradise and the prayers offered in the Raudhah are equal to 100 00 prayers.

Since my sister couldn’t accompany me, I just followed a small Malaysian group who went there but I was actually alone. There was crowd of people trying to reach raudhah. The scene may look a little bit chaotic but I prayed to Allah to make my way easier. The atmosphere and the emotions inside the Raudhah was unexplainable. The special feeling went deep into my soul. Alhamdulillah with the determination and absolutely the help from Allah, there is no problem at all to enter and pray in Raudhah. Lesson no 3. Determination and prayer is ultimately important while we are doing our hajj.

My 8 beautiful days in Madinah were fulfilled by doing the ibadah and visiting historical sites. Then we departed to Makkah where I started to do my first umrah for this hajj season. Makkah is no ordinary city, it has an extra million of people during the Hajj season and the place is packed out. You can see people in every direction you turn, there are thousands of people moving about. Often your own movement is very restricted. The place was buzzing, so many people moving to and fro.

Masjidil Haram was enormous, I felt like dwarf standing there in the middle of millions of people. It was beautifully decorated with such beauty and attention to detail. It was an absolute masterpiece.

When I enter the Masjidil Haram and moved straight to Kaabah, my eyes were locked onto the Kabbah. It was the not the first time I had seeing Kaabah but the feeling will still be the same. For a moment, I was like I was the only person in the whole mosque, standing before the baitullah. The hustle and bustle disappear. Kabbah looked beautiful, absolutely splendid and magnificent. There was truly a mixed emotions. No words can describe the emotions unless you can see with your own eyes. It is totally different from what you can see in the picture or watch in the television. I still couldn’t believe I was in front of Baitullah. The only thing I can think of was Ya Allah! I stand before you humbled. I was really grateful for Allah gave me a chance to be in His Holy land.

After doing my Tawaaf, I prayed and made doa. I couldn’t stop tears from streaming down my face. I was grateful and indebted to Allah for giving me a chance to stand in front of kaabah. I thought to myself, I was just a humble human being that has a mountain of sins which I have to ask for forgiveness. Truly, here I am a sinner, a person who has disobeyed Allah during my life; a sinner, who is burdened down with many bad deeds; a sinner, who has neglected many responsibilities to my fellow human beings; a sinner, who has seen so much evil but has never done anything to stop it; and I have to stand infront house of Allah to beg for forgiveness and ask for more. Sometimes I thought for a sinner person like me it was really shameful to ask more since the merciful and gracious Allah had given lot of things in my life but my sister said we have to be “greedy” in doa. Just asked anything from Allah as He is the most kind merciful Lord. In the holy place doa will be easily accepted if we asked sincerely. The important things I had to ask from Allah were to accept my repentance and let me be a pious Muslim and die as a Muslim.

In the middle of going for Saie I lost from my group, but I was grateful that ten years ago Allah opened my father‘s heart to bring me here. So, I had the experience and knew what to do next. If we are the first timer in Masjidil Haram we may feel confuse with all the gates and surrounding and blur what to do. While I was performing Saie, I noticed a middle age woman from Malaysia was following me. She was holding my telekung. After completing 7 rounds walking of Saie and she told me that she lost and separated from her husband. She looked sad and didn't know which gate to go. Alhamdulilah I found her husband and he said that he couldn’t concentrate during the Saie, worrying about his wife who never been here. I met the couple again in Jeddah Airport on my way home. I didn’t remember her, but she expressed her gratitude many times and told me she was really indebted for my help during the Saie. Lesson no ?? Be kind and Help others. You may forget about your help but those who were helped will never forget you.

Everything was peaceful in Masjidil Haram. The atmosphere was increadible and there was always feeling of safety and belonging. Here, I didn't have any financial worries, I didn't think what or where I was going to eat, and I wasn't even concerned about any worldly affairs.

However, outside the Masjidil Haram there was one thing that distracted me very much. I saw the major junk food giants was rearing their heads in this holiest of places on Earth. It somewhat spoilt the atmosphere here until I had a sentiment not to eat this junk food. Boycott!

My hajj began by going to Arafah. It was a big day for all the pilgrims. A lot of people said we were blessed to have Akhbar Hajj (wuquf was on Friday). As I was performing the Hajj for the first time and I was daunted as well as excited at the same time. There was a rush of adrenalin as we recalled all the steps we had to complete during the Hajj. Since that year was Akhbar Hajj and we expected the number of pilgrims will be escalated, and definitely the would be traffic jam problems along the way to Arafah. I had prepared myself with sport shoes, energy biscuits and bottles of water as I was told we might be long hours in the bus or we might needed to walk. However, my journey went smoothly than what I ever expected and the bus driver was continuously recited the Talbiyah of Labaik with loud and clear. I respected him when I saw he was in ihram, driving a bus and lead the Talbiyah heartedly. 3 in 1. Since the thunderous of talbiyah rang out everywhere and also on our tongues; and an emotions sandstorm of excitement and anticipation in my heart took the first steps of my Hajj, the journey seemed to be so short. We arrived Arafah less than one hour without having problems. I was quite shocked and felt unbelievable as in our briefing by Tabung Haji representatives that there might be many problems along the way. Lesson no ?, Only Allah can do the miracle.

Before I went to Arafah, I wrote everything that I want to ask for including repentance from my lord. In Arafah I expressed all what I wrote, my hopes and sought assistance against my fear to do hajj. This where my tears fell and my heart overhwelmed with thankfulness to Allah. In the middle Zuhur it was actually a challenge for me to do my ibadah. I felt sleepy, a bit distracted with unnecessary things. This was the time where you need to be strong and do more prayer and zikr.

To describe the Wuquf in Arafah I had to quote from the words from Lady Evelyn Cobbold an Englishwoman who perform hajj in 1934 “ It would require a master pen to describe the scene, poignant in its intensity, of that great concourse of humanity of which I was one small unit, completely lost to their surroundings a in a fervor of religious enthusiasm”

The Day of Arafah is like the Day of Judgment in many respects but the most important difference is that on the Day of Judgment we will have no more opportunities to make amends. On the day of Arafat, we still have unlimited opportunities to repent, make amends to our lives and change the direction of lives for the better.

Wuquf in Arafah lasted until dusk. At that night we moved to Mudzalifah but unluckily we didn't stop, just passing by since many roads were blocked.

My journey to Mina was a test of patience, after 13 hours in the bus I had to walk 4 kilometers with my bags to my camp. We had to go through a massive Muassim tunnel. Before we enter, we were advised by Tabung Haji representative it was risky to walk trough this tunnel with our belongings during the peak hour. We took the risk. The fear was surrounding me, my heart was pounding so fast as I was moving towards the seem endless tunnel. I was prepared if anything bad happen to me (Actually I was prepared to die). I was surrounded by masses of people, all wearing the white ihram, I felt like being in a crowd at a football match but with no opposition. Everyone move to the same direction, the direction of jamraat to throw the pebbles, the thunderous echo of same call, the Talbiyah of Labaik raised my hair. To see these, it brought my imigination of myself in the judgement day. I leave everything to Allah… The fearful, my soul and my life. Alhamdulillah we were safe walking to the end of the of the tunnel. Lesson no ?, leave everything to Allah

Actually, Mina is not too far from Arafah or Mudzalifah, but since there was enormous crowd of pilgrims in Mina the bus went round and round without reaching the camp. Alhamdulillah, at that moment I was quite cool. 13 hours in the bus, there was no feeling of hunger or thirst or not even had the feeling wanted to go to the toilet. Amazing! because if I was in Malaysia I absolutely suffered if I couldn’t go to the toilet more than 13 hours! Then, I still strongly walk to the camp eventhough we lost direction and had to ask the representative from Tabung Haji to fetch us. Allah tested us but He gave us strength and spirit.

I only felt utterly exhausted when I arrived in my camp but after a few hours of rest I reminded myself there is no possible reason could I have for being unhappy for 13 hours in the bus, the experience in the tunnel and the late arrival in the camp, after all I am a guest of Allah. Nothing was going to ruffle me, this was simply a test from Allah and I wasn't going to blame anyone, not even the bus driver, Saudi Authorities or Tabung Haji and of course not my sister or my brother. Allah had given me all the happiness and comfortness while I was here and this was only a minor test. Lesson no ??, be patient. You can see the light and find your way.

Going for jamraat was the major fear in my hajj, since I heard and read news where a lot of pilgrims being hurt, crushed and even killed by the masses of people moving to and from the pillars. The task had initially seemed formidable to me. I made preparation for this difficult mission.

Even my father was really concerned about stoning at three different jamraats. Before I left for hajj, my father repeatedly advised me to be extremely careful in jamraat. He demonstrated many times how to walk away after stoning. He always told me not to be separated from my sister. I remembered vividly my father said “No matter how, try to stay with your sister. Hold your sister’s clothes”. My father was really supportive on my intention to do hajj but definitely there was still concern and worry about letting her unmarried daughter to go. Alhamdulillah, I had completed the stoning safely and again amazingly and not to be riya’, it is much simpler and easier than I thought.

Even though there are crowd but still there was space for me and I was freely stoning the jamraat. It might be due of the new system and regulations of jamraat that made everything easier but I did believe everything was decided by Allah whether we have to go through certain task smoothly or not.

When I was in Mina there was a real eye opener to me. As we went to the jamraat, I saw a lot of poor people spend their Hajj. These people may have been from the poorer parts of the world and the only shelter they had was the sky above their heads. They would sleep in rows underneath the bridge and on the footpath during those few days of Hajj. They scattered outside our camp. They did not even have the tents or blankets to cover themselves. In comparison, I got everything to make myself comfortable with abundance of food and mineral water that were served to me, but no matter how they came, no matter how they lived we all have the same intention to do hajj.

Another incidence was, I had to walk a long way to go to Jamraat for stoning. Our camp was Mina Jamraat where it was located nearby the three Jamraats. I must admit that we paid higher than normal Malaysian pilgrims (Muasassah). There was one night, where all the gates to Jamraats were closed by the Saudi soldiers for certain reason. Since the path to Jamraat was one way path we had to walk more than usual. In fact we walked more than those Malaysian pilgrims who lived in Mina Muassim for stoning. I could heard mutter and murmuring of dissatisfaction of walking more to Jamarat. At that moment the only thought that I had was we might paid more to stay near Jamarat but money cannot buy everything. It was Allah’s will to make everything smoothly or not. In my case, I thought Allah wanted to show there was no difference between those who paid more or less when you do Hajj. The only things that made the difference were your intention and your Ibadah throughout the Hajj. Lesson no ? Money is not everything.

I spent three days in Mina and completing all the stoning at three different Jamraat, I had to complete my hajj by doing Tawaf, Saie and Tahlul. The day I wanted to perform my Tawaaf and Saie I wonder how can I complete it because there were crowd of pilgrims wanted to do the same and sometimes the scene may look chaotic but I did believe there must be space for me. Again I should say, after all I am a guest of Allah? Alhamdulillah, again there was no problems in completing those tasks.

I think this Hajj realised that there is more to this than just visiting the Kabbah. It's a means of change and purification; it's a means to improve yourself and lose the bad qualities, such as selfishness, greed, impatience and etc. It was a soul journey. It was a journey of determination and lessons

Throughout my stay I met people all over the world from Bangladesh, China, India, Africa and etc. It just like annual conference of Muslims. Muslims of every colour and nationality who gather there manage to communicate across the barriers of language and culture. Everyone stood together and side by side. Eventhough we didn’t talk all the big issues of Muslim World but getting to know each other was amazing. I met with Fatimah from South Africa, such a nice lady who accompany he mother and brother. She handed me zam-zam water when I couldn’t stop coughing. It was just a simple action by her but I will remember her forever. I met Faridah also a South African who told me that her grandfather hailed from Kedah. I did a talking with Indonesian teacher who said that she had a daughter same age like me. I was really sad and felt sympathy to her when she told me that she didn’t eat for three days in Mina since there were no supply of food by the Indonesian authority. I felt guilty when I got abundance of food in Mina, there was a sister in Muslim was in hunger. I met a 20 years old Pakistanian who asked me how to differentiate Malaysian and Indonesian. I tried to explain to her but she said we just look alike. So at last, I mentioned to her that I also couldn’t distinguish between Indian and Pakistanian. The Turkish always cherish and made me laugh. They couldn’t speak English and I couldn’t speak their language. When I sat beside them, they would ask me ask me something. The scene would be like “ ayam’ and “itik” did the talking. At last I would only showed them my mat prayer and tudung made from Turkey. Sometimes I thought the Turkish love me. They like to talk and smile to me and sometimes insisted me to eat their bread, There was once where and old Turkish lady walked beside me hold my cheek like a baby. I was stunned there. One of my cousins who also did her Hajj and met me said I looked a Turkish when I was in Mekah. Did I?. No …lah.

The service and food quality the by Malaysian caterer was impressive. It was actually the same caterer who prepared the food for my brother in law when he was working in the batch (offshore) in Malaysia. They met in Makkah and knew each other. The food was amazingly delicious, there was no single day where I lost my appetite. I ate everything heartedly. Nasi Lemak, Nasi Goreng, Nasi ayam, cream soup, just name me everything were unforgettable and irresistible. My brother jokingly said that I didn’t have so much test and challenges throughout my hajj but my biggest test was about food where I couldn’t resist of eating any food preparing for me. When I talked to him about the food he would said “sudah-sudahlah cerita pasal makanan” ( Enough to talk about food). However I didn’t gain weight, it might be due to the walk I did for every prayer to the Al Haram. It was good exercises and I felt really healthy. (I don’t do much walk in Terengganu, life so easy easy and simple because you can park your car easily).

The prophet (saws) said that there would be different groups of people coming to Hajj. The rich will come there for holiday; the middle class were coming there for shopping and the poor would be coming for begging. I prayed I was not any of these groups. My second brother had reminded me many times not to do a lot of shopping as gifts for my family. I noticed most of Malaysian pilgrims spent a lot of money for shopping. I was advised by my brother not to divert my intention for Hajj. He said that I shouldn't forget who I am or why I came here. Our minds should be clear and focused on the task at hand. In fact, my brother didn’t give me any money as a gift as my other brothers did because he was afraid that I will have to think what to buy for him. Alhamdullilah, I listened to him and in fact I had not much temptation to do shopping but I still bought few things for my family and friends.

Before leaving Mecca, I had to visit the Kaabah one last time (farewell Tawaaf). For most of us, this will be our last glimpse of the shrine. Again my tears couldn’t stop. While praying for doa I kept thinking whether I have other chance to be here, the holiest place and house of Allah. There is an old proverb—before you visit Makkah, it beckons you. When you leave it behind, it calls you forever.

Hajj was an incredible experience for me. It was a journey full of lessons. Hajj taught me a broad spectrum of lessons ranging from racial equality and piety to patience. It enhanced the feeling and knowledge the greatness of Allah. There is no replacement for the happiness an peacefulness I got during my Hajj. I hope that Allah blessed me once again to afford performing hajj. I also fervent wish that everyone is blessed with the opportunity to do hajj as early as possible in their lifetime

P/S ; I'm not a good writer, I ask forgiveness from Allah and everyone if my writing give a wrong definition and meaning of hajj.