The Last Visit

Remember my entry about visiting a friend who was warded in SJMC. I went again to visit her last week. It was unplanned visit. My friend from Kota Baharu who came here for a gathering asked if I could bring her there. Without any hesitation I said Yes (I’m glad I made this decision). On my way to SJMC, me, my friend from Kota Bharu and two other friends were talking endlessly. It was girl’s talk and I realized each of us has our own personal problem but it just a matter of whether we want to spill it out or just keep it to ourselves.

When I arrived in SJMC, all the problems we were talking before seems to be so trivial. Here I saw a friend whom I have known since I was 13 years old fighting for her life. Weak and fragile but she so patient, could still smile and greeted us. Me on the other hand for all this while only stressing about all the problems I have with Phd, conference paper, unhealthy diet and all other things that wouldn’t matter when I permanently leave this world. Looking at her making me think how trivial my problems are and how ungrateful I am.

I was glad that she was awake not like my last visit. She was so weak but managed to talk but in hard breath. It was more than twelve years we haven’t met. We talked and reminiscing our old days in secondary school. The silly thing we did, the laughter we had, the hysteria we scared. She could remember everything which I didn’t remember anymore.

Her husband was there too. I was told she met her jodoh when she was at early stage of her cancer. Allah definitely have a big plan for her as at the stage when medicine couldn’t cure her anymore the only thing needed are tender, loving and care (TLC). Allah had sent her somebody to do that.

The thing that I remember most when she told, the first thing she questioned herself when wakingup is whether she was still alive. It made my heart sunk as the first thing I always think when I woke up is not to feel grateful to Allah for the chance to be still alive instead of I think of what am going to do today, I need to finish a lot of work, do I prepare to see my Sv, which baju should I wear etc…..all the worldly affairs.

Before I went back, she told me that she had forgiven everybody. I hold my tears and trying to hug her but it was not possible as the wires were around her body. I kissed her in her forehead, promised to visit her again.

That promise will never be fulfilled as she already left us today. It was expected looking at her condition but still a shocking news as I just met her not more than a week ago. We talked, we laughed, I hold my tears, she hold the strength to talk but now it won’t happen again. I unable to keep my promise, pay her last visit as her body was brought back to kampong.

Her death really made me think life is really short and temporary. Everybody goes and there's no exception to the rule. A friend who grew up together in the boarding school and I think she is still young left us to meet the creator. Yes i know there is no rule saying that young people don't die. Everybody dies no matter how old she/he is. It made me wonder whether I really prepare myself for the day I will permanently leaving this world. Am I balancing between living for today and the day after life? Am I have enough amalan to bring together to meet my Lord? Honestly I’m not prepared and scare to face that day.

A friend wrote in her fb - Death is an end to a physical journey and a beginning of another journey to the soul..

Al fatihah - to you Meque

Tazkirah for The Day

The Believing Woman is Alert One of the most prominent distinguishing features of the Muslim woman is her deep faith in Allah (SWT), and her sincere conviction that whatever happens in this universe, and whatever fate befalls human beings, only happens through the will and decree of Allah (SWT); whatever befalls a person could not have been avoided, and whatever does not happen to a person could not have been made to happen. A person has no choice in this life but to strive towards the right path and to do good deeds - acts of worship and other acts - by whatever means one can, putting all his trust in Allah (SWT), submitting to His will, and believing that he is always in need of Allah's (SWT) help and support.

Poor Them, They Are Really Poor.

Ketika seorg rakan saya menyediakan tesis berkaitan kemiskinan, berdiskusi tentang operasi lalang, DEB, growth, aras kemiskinan tegar, koefisien gini & etc. Saya jarang ambil pusing. Mungkin mendengar fakta yang dinyatakan tanpa mengambilkira permasalahan lain. Development Economics bukan bidang saya, jauh sekali kajian yang saya lakukan yg selama ini membuatkan saya keluh kesah. Why bother your friend's thesis problem, when you have your own problem to settle. Bagi saya rakyat Malaysia tidak ramai yang berada di bawah tahap kemiskinan tegar, jika berdasarkan aras kemiskinan yang dijadikan petunjuk. But today, I found something interesting in the newspapers which made me wonder and think many times. Satu persoalan biasa tetapi memerlukan jwpn yg mungkin luar biasa - adakah rakyat M'sia sgt miskin?

1. Miskin harta - sehingga sanggup mengutip duit syiling di tepi jalan
2. Miskin jiwa - sehinggap sanggup mengenepikan rasa malu mengambil duit kepunyaan org lain
3. Miskin moral -sehingga sanggup bergembira dengan hak org tanpa meikirkan musibah empunya hak.
3. Miskin agama- sehingga sanggup melupakan halal & haram, hak & batil.

It is so pathetic looking at these people collecting the coins by the road side. I don't know what others might think but pardon me i think, poor them, they are really "poor".

Read this;myMetro | ‘Berpesta’ pungut syiling atas lebuh raya

Three econometricians went out hunting, and came across a large deer. The first econometrician fired, but missed, by a meter to the left. The second econometrician fired, but also missed, by a meter to the right. The third econometrician didn’t fire, but shouted in triumph, “We got it! We got it!”

If you don't understand this joke definitely you are not an econometrician but don't worry at least you don't have the headache of being one.

11.1.11

Neither special nor significant to me about this date. I didn't even notice about it until I heard it in the radio while driving. In fact, Ive gone through a very tiring day and not really a lucky day with a lot of wrong judgement or good news to be heard.

1. Went to SJMC to visit my ex dorm mate during secondary school years, took a wrong exit, as usual sesat bangat. My friends have been waited for more than 1 hour in the lobby room of the hospital. For the first time in my life I paid for concierge to park my car as I couldn't find the parking lot and not to waste more time. unluckily I couldn't met my sick friend as she was dozed to get some rest. Looking at her while she was sleeping, didn't even show the painful of fighting with her ovary cancer. Only Allah knows the painful she has gone through and strong she is.

2. After coming back from SJMC I promised a friend to send her to the bus station as she was heading to UUM. The campus seemed to be having heavy congestion. Not a normal congestion. I made a wrong judgement to take another exit out of the campus. What happened was we stucked for about an hour.

3. I was rushed from SJMC to meet my SV but he cancelled the meeting. He got a guest from oversea. I was suppose to take my performance appraisal from him and submit to my university ASAP as it was overdue.

4. Got sms from a friend with few not so good news. No more elaboration because this is somebody else problem

5. Called my father and he told me he got a problem. He lost his handphone in the toilet bowl (note to my brother: If you want to call your father and my father ak..a our father jgn call handphone, call rumah). He asked me to ask my sister to replace his sim card.

6. Called my sister asking her to replace my father's sim card so she told me about the problem in her office. No more elaboration because this is somebody else problem too.

7. Overall 11.1.11 is a not a good day for me and i think this blog too has becoming a problem sharing blog. So just want to some motivation to light up my day and your day (Note: tiada kaitan dgn maslah2 diatas)

A New Year & A Final Year

A new year, a new beginning and take a deep breath and say bismillahirahmanirahim...

There is no other resolutions I have except finishing what I’m doing (my Phd) as soon as possible. Today is very significant as it mark that I have only one more year before I need to go back to work. Yes… I am at the very last year of my PhD. Hopefully I’ll be able to reach the finishing line on time. I know it is not an easy journey. So far I’ve gone through challenges which most of Phd students claim as a normal process. I’ve made achievement, I failed, I was happy and sad. A roller coaster emotion. There were many times I’ve gone through phases of where I questioned everything I knew, I doubted every morsel of knowledge I have, I claimed myself that I was not that smart or I had to admit how slow I was. However, I’m still happy with what I'm doing, content and eager for more. Whatever time I still have, I should allocate it wisely and finish it on time. Insyaallah.

It's difficult, but not impossible" - Prince Dastan (Prince of Persia, The Sands of Time)