The Last Visit

Remember my entry about visiting a friend who was warded in SJMC. I went again to visit her last week. It was unplanned visit. My friend from Kota Baharu who came here for a gathering asked if I could bring her there. Without any hesitation I said Yes (I’m glad I made this decision). On my way to SJMC, me, my friend from Kota Bharu and two other friends were talking endlessly. It was girl’s talk and I realized each of us has our own personal problem but it just a matter of whether we want to spill it out or just keep it to ourselves.

When I arrived in SJMC, all the problems we were talking before seems to be so trivial. Here I saw a friend whom I have known since I was 13 years old fighting for her life. Weak and fragile but she so patient, could still smile and greeted us. Me on the other hand for all this while only stressing about all the problems I have with Phd, conference paper, unhealthy diet and all other things that wouldn’t matter when I permanently leave this world. Looking at her making me think how trivial my problems are and how ungrateful I am.

I was glad that she was awake not like my last visit. She was so weak but managed to talk but in hard breath. It was more than twelve years we haven’t met. We talked and reminiscing our old days in secondary school. The silly thing we did, the laughter we had, the hysteria we scared. She could remember everything which I didn’t remember anymore.

Her husband was there too. I was told she met her jodoh when she was at early stage of her cancer. Allah definitely have a big plan for her as at the stage when medicine couldn’t cure her anymore the only thing needed are tender, loving and care (TLC). Allah had sent her somebody to do that.

The thing that I remember most when she told, the first thing she questioned herself when wakingup is whether she was still alive. It made my heart sunk as the first thing I always think when I woke up is not to feel grateful to Allah for the chance to be still alive instead of I think of what am going to do today, I need to finish a lot of work, do I prepare to see my Sv, which baju should I wear etc…..all the worldly affairs.

Before I went back, she told me that she had forgiven everybody. I hold my tears and trying to hug her but it was not possible as the wires were around her body. I kissed her in her forehead, promised to visit her again.

That promise will never be fulfilled as she already left us today. It was expected looking at her condition but still a shocking news as I just met her not more than a week ago. We talked, we laughed, I hold my tears, she hold the strength to talk but now it won’t happen again. I unable to keep my promise, pay her last visit as her body was brought back to kampong.

Her death really made me think life is really short and temporary. Everybody goes and there's no exception to the rule. A friend who grew up together in the boarding school and I think she is still young left us to meet the creator. Yes i know there is no rule saying that young people don't die. Everybody dies no matter how old she/he is. It made me wonder whether I really prepare myself for the day I will permanently leaving this world. Am I balancing between living for today and the day after life? Am I have enough amalan to bring together to meet my Lord? Honestly I’m not prepared and scare to face that day.

A friend wrote in her fb - Death is an end to a physical journey and a beginning of another journey to the soul..

Al fatihah - to you Meque