Over the Weekend Exam

Today I have to answer over the weekend take home exam. Since this is a take home exam, the questions are more to application rather than theories. I really need to read a lot of books and understand it + increase my general knowledge of current issues. The answer should be submitted on Monday before 9 a.m. and it means I have two days to finish it. So before I answer my exam questions I have something.......

Just for a laugh to make your day !!!! :))

Teacher: History is a very interesting subject. It tells you about what
had
happened in the past.
Student: Please teacher, I don't think I want to study history.
Teacher: Why?
Student: There is no future in it.
............ ........
Teacher: Ted, if your father has $10 and you ask him for $6, how much would
your father still have?
Ted: $10.
Teacher: You don't know maths.
Ted: You don't know my father!
............ .......
Mother: David, come here.
David: Yes, mum?
Mother: You really disappoint me. Your results are getting worse.
David: But I will only get my report book tomorrow.
Mother: I know that. But I am going to Hong Kong tomorrow, so I am scolding
you now.
............ .......
Father: Why did you fail your mathematics test?
Son: On Monday, teacher said 3+5=8
Father : So?
Son: On Tuesday, she said 4+4=8 And on Wednesday, she said 6+2=8. If she
can't make up her mind, how do I know the right answer?
............ ......... .
A mother and son were doing dishes while the father and daughter were
watching TV in the living room. Suddenly, there was a loud crash of
breaking plates, then complete silence. The daughter turned to look at
her
father.
Daughter: It's mummy!
Father: How do you know?
Daughter: She didn't say anything.
...........
Man: How old is your father?
Boy: As old as me
Man: How can that be?
Boy: He became a father only when I was born
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Waiter: I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg.
Customer: Don't tell me your problems. Give me the menu card.
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Teacher: Simon, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same
as your
brother's. Did u copy his?
Simon: No, teacher, it's the same dog!
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Father: Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you anything!
Son: That's why I say she's no good!
------------ --
Teacher: "Where were u born?"
Student: " Singapore , Sir."
Teacher: "Which part?"
Student: "All of me, Sir."
------------ ---------
A teacher was asking her class: "What is the difference between 'unlawful'
and 'illegal'?" Only one hand shot up. "Ok, answer, Joan"
said the teacher.
"'unlawful' is when u do something the law doesn't allow and 'illegal'
is a
sick eagle."
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Teacher: "How come you do not comb your hair?"
Ah Kow: "No comb, Sir."
Teacher: "Use your dad's then."
Ah Kow: "No hair, Sir."
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A boy came home from school with his exam results.
"What did u get?" asked his father.
"My marks are under water," said the boy.
"What do u mean 'under water'?"
"They are all below 'C' level"